As we get further and further into our adulthood, it becomes painfully clear making new friends is difficult. Social environments acting as a platform of engaging strangers in casual conversation are more limited as our focus is more on our career or children’s activities. If you’re like me, once you do find yourself in a situation to strike up conversation with someone new, you are at a loss of words or perhaps even feel insecure about your ability to discuss any topics of interest as your life revolves around “mom stuff”.

I personally battle with social anxiety, and this adds a cherry on top of the typical awkwardness of approaching any new person. My brain is constantly psyched up with “don’t be weird, don’t be weird, don’t be weird”. Then it happens; new person says, “Hi there, I’m Mary” and my response is “I’m good thanks!” ugghh.

Despite these setbacks there are a number of things you can do to increase your success rate of friend making.

Draw Them In With a Look

We’ve all been there, at a waiting room, bored, then you notice a person reading a book or magazine you would also find interesting. Or perhaps they have a hairstyle or outfit that is adorable and you want to compliment them. Rather than forcing yourself into an awkward word salad, you can draw them in to engage verbally first.

Adjust your entire body in their direction, and ensure you are staring at them for extended period of time. While staring, be sure not to smile too much. Go for more of a confused look vs overly friendly. When they return the look, quickly look away then back again ensuring they notice. With a 95% success rate people will respond with “What the hell is your problem?”

Instant success! You have drawn the new person in to verbally engage first, plus they are already showing a level of care and concern of your problem(s)!

Draw Out Similarities

When a verbal connection has happened the next big step is continuing a productive conversation. Nothing makes friends like finding similarities in your lives. Start by asking questions about them and their lives and as they come back with details, quickly relate that back to yourself and your own experiences. Validate that they are just like you by talking all about yourself. This will put your new friend at ease that you too have stories on those same topics and identify those common interests.

Overshare

Build an intimate relationship by showing vulnerability. This is done by sharing your more personal information. Show this new friend you truly trust them with your world. Don’t hold back either, the more the better. Tell them the nitty gritty about your relationship with your mom, boyfriend, husband, etc. If you pooped 3 times that day, tell them about it.

You’ll feel that inside voice trying to direct you, telling you this information is overboard, listen to that voice and then you know, you are getting into the necessary depths to truly be an oversharer.

Don’t stop at the details of your relationships or daily routines either. To really embrace the practice of oversharing, you need to verbalize all your gripes and complaints to this friend as well.

“I’m not complaining, I’m just explaining!”

Jeff Bernat

You found a weird mole; share it! You’re thumb hurts from pulling weeds; share it! Sharing every small thought, feeling, and fact really brings your new friend into your world.

Awkward Silence Be Gone!

Nobody enjoys pauses in conversation. Those extended silences open the world of reflection and processing of new information. Help your new friend out by squashing those silent moments. They will appreciate your enthusiasm and ability to keep a constant buzz in their ears. Random noises work just as well as words in these circumstances. When a lull in conversation happens, fill that with a hum, beeps, borps or whatever noises you can produce from your body comes most naturally.

Communication is Key

When you are not with your new friend, keep communication going by engaging in frequent and pointless messages. Friend request them on Facebook as quickly as possible and promptly being posting whatever comes to your mind directly to their wall. This shows you are thinking of them. Tagging them on your posts in the various social media platforms is also a good way to keep their attention focused on your new friendship. Everyone loves those little notifications that things are happening, make your friends day by creating more for them! Direct text messages are also important. Don’t worry about the time of day either. Dinner time, middle of the night, or 5am, all are welcome.

Adopting any and all of these will surely get your social life filled with tons of amazing new people. This is my pull request. If you have other tactics for making friends you think work equally as well please share in the comments!

*Please note all the the above is 100% sarcasm and shouldn’t be taken as real advice. If you haven’t figured that out by now, let’s be friends, I bet you have some amazing stories to share! If you are interested in more write ups about friendships this post by Tim Urban is a one of the the best! “10 Types of Odd Friendships You’re Probably Part Of”