What did I do?!

“Oh fuuu……… what did I just do?”

That self-narrative runs through my head immediately after getting a new tattoo. I fake a brave smile, puff my chest up like a tough chick and say “I love it! Thank you so much.” Then the walk of shame proceeds.

Many people that endeavor on the path of adjusting their ‘natural’ beauty have had this occur. You remember, don’t you? That time you thought you could color your hair out of a box as well as the $200 stylist does. Or even more innocent but just as damaging: “I can rock bangs, why do I need someone to cut them for me?!”

Let’s back up first to explain how I got here.

Failure to Plan

One hour before my flight takes off at an airport is not the time nor the place to plan out my next tattoo. Particularly if there is a strong possibility that artwork ends up on me the very next afternoon.

I’m texting (yes, texting not talking) to a very nice person I’ve never personally met going back/forth on ideas. The ideas are expanding beyond what I ever actually thought I wanted, but I’m flowing with it. I’m on vacation mode; we’re being “creative”.

I land and go to sleep, or attempt to. I don’t sleep. I’m all over in my head thinking this is a bad idea.

A Rough Sketch

The next day I arrive at the parlor that was specifically cleared of appointments on my behalf. I was only in town that day. He’s working on the drawings from our creative brainstorming the night before “how cool is that?!” The design looks a lot bigger than I thought it would be. I know we talked about all the detail of the scenery but I originally wanted something small and easily covered. Maybe this will be pretty and look nice. But let’s make it a little smaller.

An hour goes by of adjustments. I’ve now convinced myself this will work. I planned for over 15 years before I committed to my previous tattoos — 15 hours vs. 15 years…. How I convinced myself it would turn out well is a mystery. I look in the mirror; “It might be okay, I’m here, he spent all this time for me, cancelled everything else for me”

The design is laid out. I’m focusing on the non-important details like it being level or symmetrical. I should have been focusing on getting out of there politely, drawings in hand to think about this for another 15 years.

Getting That Ink

I lie down on the table, stretch out and proceed to endure the 3 hours of burning and pricking that is the art of tattooing. I’m kicking myself during every minute of this. Not because it hurts, but because I don’t really want this. Not now at least, maybe after thinking about it, maybe not, but definitely not now. But it is happening anyway, and can I really stop? Probably, but I don’t. These things are permanent.

“How dumb would it look with it half there?! Don’t be that person that pussies out in the middle and have a half done tattoo.” This goes on in my head the entire time. Then it is all over. Huge sigh of relief. The process has ended. Then I look and see.

“Oh fuuu……… what did I just do?” Don’t get me wrong, the artist was an amazing and highly talented guy. This isn’t about quality; this is about what should have never happened. This was my mistake and no one else’s. So yes, fake a brave smile, puff my chest up like a tough chick and say “I love it! Thank you so much.”

Instant knots in my stomach. How can I tolerate this? I have to force myself to like this. I am so upset with myself I can’t even eat lunch. I’m with a friend, convince her I like it. “It’s great! It’s so colorful!” I despise what I just did to myself.

3 days later I start researching methods of tattoo removal.

Undo! Undo!

There are a lot of different reasons people choose to remove their tattoos. Sometimes they choose a cover-up instead. In my case, the artwork itself was much too large and colorful to even consider a quality cover up. It didn’t take much deliberation to decide removal was my next step. Within a week of getting the tattoo, I made a consultation appointment for laser removal.

The office is pristine and the staff are all licensed nurses. They step me through a very thorough evaluation of the ‘artwork’ and how to determine the number of laser sessions needed. With the size and amount of color I’m quoted with 16. Okay 16 that’s not too bad, just over a year right…. WRONG. The sessions must be 8-12 weeks apart, so now we are on a 2.5 year adventure to undo this mistake. Well….. sign the dotted line and let’s get to this! I got a discount for paying up front for all the sessions. I thought I was being economical with this decision, But that didn’t really work out as expected either.

A Frustrating Setback

After just 2 sessions, the office building closed suddenly and without any communication. I showed up to the next appointment to locked doors and lights out. This first business I went to was Dr. Tattoff. Turns out my location wasn’t the only one that had done this. It appeared to be a pattern that a site would open, they would take a bunch of up front payments for long term services then ghost. Check out this article about the locations in Southern California which happened after my experience.

It was like soaking my wound in lemon juice. Not only was I still with the tattoo I didn’t like, I was out several thousand dollars with no path for removal. Luckily, I wasn’t the only one that got scammed and found my best step was to file a claim for the fraudulent charge with my credit card company which allowed me to recoup my cost. Thank goodness I didn’t pay cash!

After a long while, I opted to search good ‘ol Groupon for some discounts and try again. This time I did a little more background research on the business themselves and not solely on the method of removal. I ended up going with LaserAway and have been using their services now for years (yes, years, it takes that long). Honestly, I couldn’t be happier with the level of service for my tattoo removal but also the other services they offer. The staff is crazy friendly and their hours are great for someone that needs to squeeze in late after work or on the weekends.

The Process

As mentioned, tattoo removal is not a quick process. Be patient and settle in for the long run.

The science behind the laser removal is simply speeding up the natural process of a fading tattoo. Your body’s immune system recognizes the ink as a foreign substance and tries to remove the particles. The laser helps as it blasts the ink in your skin by heating it up and breaking it into very tiny particles. Then over the 10-12 week waiting period your body takes care of the rest by flushing away those broken up particles.

The more colorful or bold the tattoo, the more treatments it will take, as each laser session will work on the closest layer of ink. If the ink is deep, it will take time to get through all those layers. Also, if you have color in your tattoo, they may change the type of the laser throughout your sessions. After going through several sessions focusing just on the dark ink, my sessions now involves two lasers; one that focuses on the reds/yellows/oranges and then the laser for the dark colors to continue working through those layers.

Not all tattoos or skin types will have the same results for the removal process either. When I went through my consultations each location had essentially the same process. It is called the Kirby-Desai Scale. This includes considerations of your skin type, location, colors, amount of ink, scarring, cover-ups, & size.

Preparation for my first treatment was a mystery.  I was provided a topical numbing cream but I forgot to put it on. The nurse was kind enough to apply the cream for me before taking me back. She has me lie down, hands me a pair of goggles and a stress ball. I’m prepared for pain at this point.

One two three… OH MY GOD!

It hurts. This numbing cream didn’t do a damn thing. I could only tolerate about 30 seconds at a time before we take breaks. I’m very thankful the nurse is so understanding. She even counts to three before each zapping duration so I can brace myself. She goes around the outline of the first tattoo then starts to work through the fill from bottom to top, one small line at a time. Various parts of my side are more sensitive and others and the pain goes in waves.

By the time it is over I’m in a full sweat. I count myself lucky I went through childbirth as a solid preparation for this type of agony.

After the pass with the laser, the tattoo has this cool haze over it but she assures me that it will come back full color and I won’t notice a difference so as to not get my hopes up. I appreciated that there was no false hope. She tells me no exercise for a few days and to take it easy and ice it.

Heal Up And Go Again…and again… and again..

I in fact do not ice it; BAD move. My side was swollen and sore for several days. The healing process begins from the inside out, first noticed by an itch that cannot be scratched. For the slightest bit of relief, I slapped my skin, but the tattoos are still sore and swollen, so I only added to the pain. I’ve learned since then that a Benadryl will help with the itching.

I also did some research on supplements to help my body go through the process quicker, and found Echinacea was the best option. I started this before the sessions, without having a comparison to how my body reacted without it, therefore cannot say whether it has been helpful or not.

Ready, set, Round 2

Knowing what I was walking into for round 2, I slathered a good amount of the numbing cream on well in advance to the session. If you read the instructions, it needs to be on for about 45 minutes BEFORE you start inducing pain on yourself. I feel also that my mental preparedness was stronger now that I knew what it was like. As the nurse begins the process, once again handing me goggles and a stress ball I have a wave of confidence come over me. I CAN DO BETTER!

Sure enough I’m able to tolerate the zapping in stride. I might be able to credit the numbing cream a little to this. She again forewarned me not to expect any visible change despite the haze after this session, but this time she strapped on some ice packs to my side before setting me loose. Oh! What a difference ice makes. This I will not neglect the next time around.

The healing process from the second session also was much more tolerable. The dryness, itchy and swelling was far less. If this is how the rest of the post session healing goes, the timeline may be painful but the process is definitely more tolerable than originally thought.

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I’m a seasoned professional by now and I’ve gone through countless sessions. Each time, I numb up ahead of time and plan to for a chilled out rest of the day icing on/off. I also have an industrial supply of Aquaphor and apply that liberally for a solid 4-5 days post session to keep my skin happy.

At this point my tattoo is quite noticeably faded. I’ll continue my treatments for eternity it feels like, but at least its progress!

Top 10 List

So here’s my summary of tips for anyone that is thinking about going through tattoo removal.

1. Research the provider. If they haven’t been in business in that location for years, find someone else.
2. Groupon is a good starting point, but it won’t be enough to finish the process. Once you start somewhere, don’t swap for another Groupon deal. They always start at the lowest intensity and increase over time. If you restart at a new place you will never get results.
3. Care Credit kicks ass.
4. Get a topical numbing cream and apply it 45 minutes – 1 hour prior to each session.
5. Drink lots of water to help your body naturally process the particles. This isn’t a day of thing, this is an all the time thing. Stay Hydrated!
6. Keep up with your exercise. Take the 24 hours off after each session, but the healthier your body is the better the results. Think bloodflow!
7. Massage the area. Once the ouch goes away of each session, massage the tattoo regularly, it also helps that bloodflow and natural particle removal.
8. Ice Ice baby! Always have a few ice packs at home to aid in day of recovery.
9. Invest in Aquaphor. It is not cheap but you don’t want generic. Get a big ‘ol tub and slather away.
10. Take pictures! It’s hard to notice change with such a slow process, but if you take pictures and review them over time, it can help revitalize your commitment to the process.

If you too have an unfortunate ink blotch that you’re not so thrilled about or also living through or gone through laser removal, share in the comments or feel free to send me your story. I’d love to hear any other tips you might have!